apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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