i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
