My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
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Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
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I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.