my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
21 Of The Most Regrettable Tattoo Ideas Ever
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work