it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.