I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
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And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
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We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?