her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby