drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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