whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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