I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
It's never too late to be topless.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
