I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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