They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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