Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
