It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Randomize
