are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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