last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
