No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Randomize
