I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
