She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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