My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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