i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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