The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
