I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Randomize
