I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
God gave him joint rollers for hands
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
