You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
