apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
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