Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
