i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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