haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
