Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
You can't motorboat a personality
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
