please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
