Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
