If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
