I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
What drink are we having for lunch?
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
