he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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