If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize