i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
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