I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
