i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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