don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Rumble strips road head = magical
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
