I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
