its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
My bed smells like the plague
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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