how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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