when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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