I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
that may or may not have been my penis.
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