people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
