i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
