We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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