addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
