i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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