You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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