Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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