she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
organizing the empties. That sober.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a burrito and a hug.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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