I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Randomize
