last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
