we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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