In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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