Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
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