i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
