my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
two words...techno handjob
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Randomize