covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
