I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Randomize
