He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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