I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
