At least make sure they are 18
Why
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Randomize
