he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
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