You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MIDGETS
????
BRING THE BAGELS
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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