Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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